im a sad girl

I always know what I want, or at least I think I do. I can be a slightly impulsive person, but I ultimately only do things on my own will and conscious decision. If I really wanted immediate attention, then I could message any dude on my phone and they’d come running at full speed with no hesitation. The thing isー I don’t want to spend my time entertaining meaningless flings for temporary satisfaction. I was never the type to choose convenience over quality.  Situations such as those will never be as fulfilling as genuinity with a singular soul. There were times I mistook that temporary fulfillment for love. When you focus too much on the attention from a temporary person, it seems as though that it is the only thing you have, can hold onto, and spend your time giving all your undivided attention to. You become blind towards the difference between love and lust, further obscuring your path to self fulfillment. And there is no time to be messing with people who don’t value your attention and effort. Giving attention to those who don’t deserve it will set you up for a lifetime of self sabotage in relationships without real intimacy, something I am all too familiar with.

11.27.2021